Let the Strong Say...

A conversation with a very dear friend last week has had me thinking about a scripture and about strong, Christian women. My friend shared that she has been diagnosed with breast cancer and will have surgery within a few weeks. She shared how she became aware of a problem just before the holidays but did research and did not want to deal with it until after the new year. At that time she very sensitively and carefully broke the news to her husband, saying that she'd had weeks to get used to the idea, but it was now coming at him out of the blue. She busied herself preparing and freezing meals so he would have them ready while she was in the hospital and recovering and paying the bills and getting all the finances up-to-date since she handles all that.

She, of course, has involved him in every decision and at every step of this journey she finds herself on. She lost her father last March so she and her husband went to tell her mom. She shared how she also personally spoke to her two sisters and each of her nieces and nephews because she wanted them to see she was ok and not to be frightened or to worry. She had originally emailed me with this news, but once we'd "spoken" on line, she called because she also wanted me to hear her voice and know she was handling this as she handled every crisis in her life - with strength, grace, courage and humor.

While I was relieved to hear her voice, I couldn't stop thinking about how she has gone out of her way to make sure she put everyone she cares about at ease, comforting and encouraging them. I can really relate to this as I find myself falling into that very same pattern - I am strong and I have to care for everyone else. Even when it is I who may need some comfort and encouragement.

Joel 3:10 says, "Let the weak say I am strong!" The Message Translation says it this way: "Let the weak one throw out his chest and say, 'I'm tough, I'm a fighter.'" I'm beginning to wonder if some of us strong Christian women have perhaps taken this scripture to an extreme. I've been through a few crises in my life (haven't we all?) and I honestly can remember very few times when I was the one being protected and comforted. Perhaps it's been so long since that happened - I don't even know how to respond to that anymore.

I do remember one turning point conversation. We had just moved to NY from Tennessee with two small children so my husband could start a business with my brother. We were living with my Dad and brother in the house I grew up in. It was difficult living there when my mom was now gone. I was having a down day and one of my aunts called. In the course of our conversation I shared something I was upset about. Her response to me was, "Where is your faith?" I immediately knew at that very moment that I was expected to always be positive and in control, regardless of how I felt. That was a turning point moment for me.

That happened 20 years ago and even now most of the time when friends call it is to share their problems, ask for prayer, advice, comfort or encouragement. I find myself feeling the only one I can truly share my fears, doubts and concerns with is the Lord. Everyone else seems to think I should not feel that way, that somehow I'm "past" that.

As I pondered all this it made me wonder if my friend ever gets weary of always being the strong one, the one in control, the one encouraging and comforting everyone else while she may be crumbling inside. Don't get me wrong, through the death of my mom and my grandmother, losing two babies, closing our business and wondering what we would do next and various other crises of life, the Lord has been more than faithful and never failed to strengthen me and to bring us through.

I honestly don't know what I'd do if I did not have a real and intimate relationship with the Lover of my Soul. However, I have to admit to a purely human desire sometimes. I don't always want to be the take-charge one, the one who says to everyone else falling apart around me - don't worry, it will be fine, God is still on the Throne and He will see us through. While I will always know that in my deepest heart and believe it without question, just once in a while I would love for someone else to say that to me.

I don't really know if that's selfish or not - but I do know it's honest. I find it difficult to take any other part than this because I've been doing it for so long. The few times recently when I've admitted to being unsure about something or concerned about an outcome, the response has been genuine surprise that I could feel that way.

So - to get back to basics I guess I am saying (to you and to myself!) that we are after all just human. Regardless of how deep and strong our faith is, there will be times when we feel weak. That's just a fact of being human. I think maybe sometimes it is healthy and necessary for the strong to sometimes say, I am weak.