Speaking the Truth

We are told to speak the truth in love to each other (Ephesians 4:15). But where do you draw the line between being honest with someone and just sympathizing with them to make them feel better? While I try always to be mindful of not offending anyone or being harsh or hurtful, this is a difficult thing for me.

If you are like me and always want to leave people feeling better than when they met you, this can sometimes be a very difficult choice to make. Would it really matter? So what if you just "yes" them - agree and sympathize? How could it hurt anything? Besides you come off as the good guy - they get stroked and you look like a saint.

If you really care about the person - it's simply not an option. As parents, we are called on to do it continually. You probably have no problem whatsoever telling your child they cannot play in the street or pretend to cook with a real knife; or telling your teen they must be home by 9 pm or cannot go to a particular place because it is not safe. Pretty simple, straightforward and clear cut. So why is it so difficult to tell a friend a truth about something?

Well, part of it, I think is not wanting to hurt someone who is already hurting, but part is selfish - you don't want them to dislike you. Come on, admit it - you want to be liked. Period. We all do. But when you remove that desire from the equation and focus solely on the "truth" of the issue being discussed, it becomes a little easier.

I recently had to make this decision during a conversation with a friend who is experiencing serious family issues as well as health problems. She calls fairly often to tell me what's been happening. I realized that these calls were not only emotionally draining to me but nothing was changing. I was hearing the same story - just a different day - for years! I realized this command to speak the truth in love was one I was not obeying. I finally had to say that these calls simply rehashing and complaining about the situation were accomplishing nothing. She had repeatedly asked for suggestions on making some decisions and I shared what I thought. But she never did anything - except complain and sink deeper into the role of victim.

It was a painful conversation. I had to be honest and say what I felt she needed to hear. I apologized if I hurt her feelings but I couldn't have this same conversation myriad times for another ten years. Nothing will change unless someone takes a step. I pray fervently for her but she has not called since that last conversation. Perhaps she has found someone else to provide the sympathy she craves. Honestly I hope she really takes to heart what I said and is trying to make some progress. Regardless, I feel better that I didn't just tell her what she wanted to hear and leave her in the same condition.

This is definitely a basic - truth. We can't deal with any situation unless we get to the truth of the matter and deal with it. Nothing will change. Sometimes we have to be the agent of change in someone else's life. Be courageous - speak the truth, in love, and trust God to do the rest.

KISS

Keep it simple, sweetheart! That’s a catchy phrase and acronym. There’s a lot of truth contained there. We love to be complicated – it makes us feel we are somehow more sophisticated, smarter. We want to impress with our knowledge. Most of us can take the most straight-forward, simple thing and complicate it beyond understanding. And think we’ve done a good thing!

The very best and most important things in life are actually very simple. But when something sounds too “easy” we have a hard time believing it. For instance, take God’s plan of salvation. It is straight-forward and simple. Nothing complicated about it. God’s ways are simple and clear-cut. Most times our ways are convoluted and confusing.

Rather than making everything in life more complicated than it needs to be, I believe we should embrace becoming simple people. That description tends to have a negative connotation – people don’t want to be considered “simple-minded” but being simple is something entirely different. If you don’t like that term, how about being uncomplicated?

According to the dictionary definition, simple means, among other things: To be free from guile, innocent; free from ostentation or display ; sheer, unmixed; readily understood or performed. It is the opposite of complex or complicated.

Another definition for simple is “single.” When you have a single thing – there’s no question about it, no decision to make – it stands alone. The Bible tells us to be single-minded. Actually what the scripture tells us is that a double-minded man who constantly wavers and changes his mind every five minutes, will not receive anything from God. In another verse we are told to let our yes be yes and our no be no. Don’t complicate it! Say what you mean and mean what you say. God also tells us to keep our eye “single” in one translation. To me that says focus. Get to the heart of the matter and don’t complicate it with a lot of unnecessary information.

All the very best things in life are inherently simple. I don’t know about you but I want to be an uncomplicated person whose words are clear and sincere. I want people to know where I stand without question. I want my actions to match my beliefs. Simple. Not always easy but simple. I guess the bottom line is I want to imitate my Heavenly Father and KISS.

Are You Just Fooling Yourself?

It tends to amaze me how many people live their lives as if there are no consequences to their actions. You know what I mean - they overeat and yet are shocked that they are overweight; they eat a diet of processed, junk, fast "food" (and I use the term loosely!) and find it surprising that they have no energy or now have developed diabetes or some other illness; they never move their bodies except to change positions on the couch and are amazed that their clothes are tight and they barely have the energy to walk a block; or they smoke or drink and find it hard to understand why they are not healthy.

We are not stupid, yet we persist in fooling ourselves in this crazy way. The Bible puts it this way:

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. (Galatians 6:7)

Pretty clear. You may think you are fooling yourself and maybe in some way you are - simply because you choose to. But you are not fooling God. He created you and your body. He knows exactly how it works and how it will respond to what you do. It's your choice whether to care for it intelligently or to abuse it. And if you choose to abuse it, you take full responsibility for the result - whether you acknowledge what you're doing or not. It's a spiritual and a physical law.

Every action has a corresponding reaction. You eat fresh, whole foods and you nourish and fuel your body down to your cells. You eat junk and you simply put calories in that cause you to gain weight and starve your body down to the cells. You can become an obese person suffering from malnutrition!

Don't fool yourself. Be honest about what you are doing and why. Make choices that benefit you and get you back to basic health. Whatever you sow you will reap - either the rewards or the consequences - it's your choice.

Key to Long (Good) Life

In getting back to basics, for me, simplicity is key. There are thousands of websites with just as many different, new formulas for getting and staying healthy, fit, thin, younger and on and on! Information changes daily. So who do you believe?

For me the Source of all wisdom, God, is where I begin and end. For instance, researchers will tell you coffee is good for you one day and that you should avoid it like the plague the next. So, which is true? Is meat bad for you or not? Should you only eat vegetables? Chocolate is bad or is it a health food? You get my drift.

Proverbs 9:11 says, "For by me (wisdom) your days will be multiplied and years of life will be added to you."

I have based my life, as well as the principles I suggest to clients to improve their health, on God's unchanging and unfailing wisdom. I dare say if we would consistently act on his Word, our health would improve so dramatically, people will begin to ask what our secret is.

Take just one of His commands - to forgive. If we would consistently follow through on just this one command, most of our health problems would cease to exist. Negative, toxic thoughts translate into physical disease and disability. Our thoughts, attitudes and beliefs so powerfully impact our physical and mental health that simply obeying this one command would make all the difference in the world.

So next time you become overwhelmed with information overload - get back to basic health - turn to God's wisdom and see what He says about it. You absolutely can't go wrong.

More Than Just Colors in the Sky

Have you been feeling a little down on yourself lately? Like ordinary just doesn't even begin to describe how you see yourself? Feeling like you just are not doing anything well enough? I think we all feel that way at times. At least I will admit I do. I want to share something with you that I am hoping will encourage you and make you realize there is Someone who thinks you are the greatest - so much so He went out of His way to show you. But you might have never even realized it! Did you know:

No two people see the same one, even if they’re standing next to each other. In fact, each of your eyes sees its own. However, catch one on film, and it can be seen by many eyes at once. You cannot touch one and it is always in front of you while your back is to the sun.

Have you guessed what it is? It is a phenomenon of nature that’s fascinated people forever. Of course, I’m talking about rainbows. Have you ever spotted one of these colorful surprises decorating the sky and felt it was a special gift God created just for you? I know I have. All my life rainbows have fascinated me. I love the variety, the grace and beauty. Each one is unique and breathtakingly beautiful in its own way.

We all know that rainbows are round bands of color that appear in the sky after a rainstorm when raindrops are lit up by sunlight. Even though sunlight looks white, it contains all the colors of the rainbow: violet, indigo, blue, green, yellow, orange and red.

But do you know why no two people ever see exactly the same rainbow? This fact delighted and amazed me. If you and a friend stand side-by-side looking at a rainbow stretched across the sky, you are at the center of the rainbow you see. Your friend is at the center of a completely different rainbow with an entirely different set of raindrops. Each of you gets to see your very own, personal rainbow! Isn’t that like our God?

When I thought about it, I am rarely the one who spots a rainbow first. Usually it is my children. As I considered this, I realized my children were in a constant state of expectancy. Whether they spotted a rainbow arched across the sky, a hummingbird sipping nectar from one of our Rose of Sharon or the first lemony daffodil poking up through the soil, they were always ready for the blessing. It didn’t surprise them as much as it thrilled and charmed them. In their innocent confidence they simply believe these wonders of nature were created just for them. Somewhere along the way, I seemed to have lost that sense of expectancy, and that confidence that there were blessings out there just for me. It made me wonder how many times a rainbow was majestically arched right over my head and I never even saw it.

I realized I’d allowed myself to become preoccupied with the mundane details of everyday living. While there are certain things that must be attended to, it was my attitude that needed adjusting. I’d stopped expecting to spot a rainbow. I’d forgotten to simply look up. What an elementary principle that is! It applies to all of life: where you focus determines what you find.

Living in a state of expectancy. God clearly tells us that this is how we are to live in Luke 21:28. I realized I’d neglected this truth. If you’re looking for an argument, you will undoubtedly find one. If peace is what you are seeking, you will be rewarded. If you’re looking for fun, it won’t be long before you’re laughing. If you’re always determined to find what is wrong, you’ll soon end up depressed and disappointed. If you’ve decided to find the good in everyone, your days will be filled with light. If you’re looking for a blessing, God will never disappoint you.

I was so focused on the earthly, I’d forgotten to be like a little child and look up expecting to see a rainbow. Once I learned that God creates a unique, personal rainbow for each person who will look for it, I made an attitude adjustment. God not only makes each flower, fish, snowflake and person special and unique, He even creates a rainbow just for each and every one of us. All we need to do is expect to see one and take the time to look up. After all, if He thinks you deserve one, who are you to disagree?

So if it’s weeds and worms you’re looking for, keep your gaze glued to the ground. But if it’s rainbows you seek, take a lesson from a little child and look up!

Always Awake

I've been reading some very interesting research on the brain. Our brain is the command post of our bodies. I heard one Christian doctor compare the brain to God. He said the brain controls the body as God controls the heavens and earth. I have to agree. One very critical element many of us are deficient in is sleep. And the brain and body absolutely must have adequate sleep in order to function properly.

We can all agree to that, I'm sure. I know if I don't sleep well for a few days in a row, not only do I lack energy, but I find I just cannot think clearly. Did you ever wonder why your thinking is so dramatically affected?

Your brain never really stops working! If it did, you wouldn't wake up. Your brain is busy orchestrating your body's maintenance processes. Dead and aging cells are replaced, muscles, tissues and organs are repaired and renewed, hormones and important immune-boosting chemicals are released. That's also why you are so much more susceptible to getting sick when you haven't slept well for a few nights. Your immune system is compromised.

It also takes any information you learned that day and consolidates it and makes it possible for you not only to remember it but to understand it more clearly. You actually lose about 30% of what you learn on any given day and up to two days earlier without adequate sleep. A study was done on birds and a specific part of their brains replayed songs they learned during the day while they slept. It seems even they depend on sleep for a sharp, well-functioning memory!

In comparing the brain to God, it reminded me of Psalm 121:3, 4 "He will not let your foot slip; He Who watches over you will not slumber; indeed He Who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep." I don't know about you, but that is very comforting to me. It doesn't matter what time of night or day - He is aware of me and my needs.

Your brain is created in such a way that certain functions only occur when you are asleep. So, technically, your brain is not sleeping, but when your body slows down and relaxes into refreshing, deep sleep, certain areas of your brain activate those important maintenance functions that are not activated when you are awake.

So one of the absolute basics for real health, is to be sure to get adequate sleep every night. Your body needs it and you will be allowing your brain to do what it was created to do for you. No matter what is keeping you up and preventing you from sleeping, remember, God is already up - let Him handle it. You know He will do a much better job anyway!

Are You Smarter Than a Three-Year-Old?

Knowing your true identity is a fundamental part of getting back to basic health. In the most obvious way, unless you know your family history you are at a disadvantage as to dealing with possible hereditary health problems. Knowledge is power. Knowing your true spiritual identity is critical to health and wholeness. You are a one-of-a-kind, unique, priceless Designer original! God doesn't create any inferior "junk" or cheap knock-offs.

So what difference does it make to know how God sees you? The way God sees you is your true identity. When you are grounded in that identity, it affects how you approach people and situations. You don't approach them with a distorted perspective. What's a distorted perspective? That's when you constantly tell yourself - I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I can't do anything right, no one likes me, I'll never succeed, this will never work out. Those are distorted thinking patterns. They come from a distorted identity.

Your identity affects how you approach God and how you pray as well. Even though He sees you clearly, if your perspective is skewed and you see yourself through a very distorted lens, you will not approach Him confidently as we are instructed to in the Bible (Hebrews 4:16). If you feel unworthy and inadequate and hesitate to come to God boldly, confidently, knowing He loves you and watches for your arrival daily, you need to work on your identity. Here's a little story to illustrate:

When my daughter Elizabeth was three, my husband and brother owned a restaurant near our house. After dropping her two older brothers off at school, we would go and visit her dad and Uncle Georgie. It didn't matter how many people were in the restaurant, how busy they were or what was going on. Elizabeth would walk in and if she didn't see her dad on the front line, she never hesitated for a moment to walk behind the front counter and into the office in the back to find him. It never occurred to her that she shouldn't do that or she didn't have the right to be back there. After all this was her Dad's place and she had no doubt about who she was or what her privileges were!

Shouldn't we all approach our Heavenly Father the same way? Shouldn't our prayers be bold and confident and full of expectation? Elizabeth never doubted that her dad would be happy to see her. The thought that he would not give her something to eat if she asked for it never crossed her mind. If she walked in there expecting a piece of cornbread, that is exactly what she got. She approached him in total faith and he never disappointed her.

That's exactly how we should approach our Heavenly Father - enthusiastically, full of confidence, boldly and expecting to receive what we ask for. Why? Because He loves us and His greatest desire is to bless us. If we, as human parents treat our children this way, why would we think He would do any less? Sometimes we have to get back to the basics and let a little child lead us. That's one reason why I wrote my book, "The King's Daughter". I am not ashamed to tell you I have probably learned so much more from my children than they ever learned from me!

So, get back to the basics - let God show you in His Word how He sees you and then correct your vision - align your perspective to His. You'll find it makes everything else in life so much better.